I would like to find a woman for a long-term monogamous relationship

I would like to find a woman for a long-term monogamous relationship

I've been looking very energetically on OKCupid and I've found some really cool women on that site. Lots of super nice and intelligent people on there. All ages. It's cool.

However, the problem I'm running into is that I have a very dark sense of humor and most people can't relate to that. I can get along with just about anyone, but I have a hard time relaxing and being myself around regular normal people. I feel like I always sort of have to watch myself. If I loosen up too much I'm going to alienate people.

I'm not trying to cop an attitude like I'm superior. That's the last thing I'd want to do. It's just that growing up all through my impressionable formative years I subsisted on a steady diet of Joy Division, Siouxsie, Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, The Cure, early Metallica, Black Flag, Sabbath, Meat Puppets, Nirvana. Then I got into Covenant, Switchblade Symphony, KMFDM and all that stuff.

Or maybe it has nothing to do with the music I listen to or the books I read and it's just me. But when I see a nice blonde girl who says she's "easy going," "laid back," and "go with the flow," and into sports, I think, "I could never make her happy." I don't want to bring my misery and darkness into anyone's life. I need to find a girl who's already like that. (See what I mean? Hilarious, right?)

I tried to put jokes into my profile that I thought were a scream and you should have heard those crickets chirping. I'm still cleaning out the tumbleweeds. So then with the help of a kind friend I niced it up and started getting way more visits, but as I said I want someone I can really connect with.

Meanwhile reading Poe, Wilkie Collins, Joseph Conrad, the Brontes, Ann Rice, Flannery O'Connor

I tried Google but all I came up with were pretty lame-looking sites that were obviously just packaged things that some company had slapped a "goth" label onto. Did you know they have "goth cruises" now? I wish I didn't.

(By the way, I recently responded to another post and I'm extremely embarrassed about the unnecessary harshness of my response. I really don't know what got into me. I'm so embarrassed that I haven't gone back and looked at the post. But oh well. Onward, right? Yes, I apologized. But if you saw that post you might get a good laugh, at my expense, that I'm now making this post. If that's the case, never was a laugh more richly deserved.)

What I'm really looking for is like you know, a permanent relationship with no intention of breaking up

My .02: finding the local freak/goth/whatever forum or lj community or facebook group or meetup or other online hub and just going and doing the things that pop up (even create your own events) wherein you get a chance to meet people , which makes it more likely to connect with someone who really does want a relationship.

Another potential: the personals attached to the nearest "cool" city's alt-weekly. not sure if there's one for your area or not, but worth a shot. posted by batmonkey at PM on

Are you still in SF (past question hinted so)? There's always Death Guild. If I remember correctly, it's Mondays; quick websearch says it's at the DNA.

Or go see a show that leans towards your music taste, or to a book signing for the literary stuff. Probably those are better than a website anyhow.

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